The Chemo Nightmare

I’m giving chemo one blog on its own and then that is it! Never to be spoken of again!!! Haha. That probably paints a nice picture of what I think about chemotherapy. Now just so we are really, really clear I think chemo is the worst bloody thing anyone can ever go through in their lives.
I have never sunk so low or felt so vulnerable or scared in my life. It was horrendous. No sugar coating here!
Now each case is individual so if you are about to board the chemo train things may be very different for you. For me, it was all of the above. And unfortunately for me and for many others I still had shit to do, kids to raise, places to be. I take my hat off to the ladies that worked through chemo, I will just never contemplate how you got through.
Chemo for me was like hitting a bloody big brick wall. I was on the Thursday session and by Saturday I was flat out on the bed, dizzy as anything, praying for this to end. There was one point after my second session that I actually said to my husband ‘I feel like I want to die’. I wanted to give up. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I collapsed twice, by which my 7-year-old son helped me up on one occasion. How frightening that we have to do this to live a full life.
And the interesting thing is I was going through all of this with no bloody idea whether it was working. At one point I had an ultrasound and they said ‘yes your tumor has shrunk’. Well that’s good I suppose, considering I have no hair, I can’t stand up properly and my life as I know it has pretty much ended.
Now, I have painted a pretty grim picture, but my surgery results gave me a 100% clearance rate so ultimately I thank the lord I had that option to kill the good and the bad cells and to rid my body of this disease. And if I had to do it again, I would do it in a heartbeat. No questions asked.
Life is for living and we are lucky to have the science to help us live it!
I just want that cure!

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